Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Season Is Over

I am not a phone person. Never have been, probably never will be. Text me, e-mail me, write me a letter, you'll have my attention. With the exception of a handful of people, if you call me, and its not about business, I'm just hoping that the call doesn't last too long. That probably explains why I don't speak to some friends as often as I'd like. They don't call me, I don't call them. At the same time, every so often, the phone rings and you're pleasantly surprised by the name on the caller id. That happened last night.

The last time I had seen or heard from "Dr. B" was at "The Doctor"'s wedding 16 months ago. When everything went down, I just made the assumption that she choose her side. I certainly wouldn't have faulted her for maintaining her loyalty. Anyway, the conversation started off as if we were talking on a regular basis, then out of nowhere she flipped the script. She quickly brings up "The Doctor" and starts talking about how they spoke a few weeks ago and she was worried about her. I told her that I don't wish any bad on her, but she made a decision and because of that decision I really wasn't interested in hearing about her, especially if it's gossip. She went on to say that she believes that "The Doctor" regrets ending our friendship and realizes now what a good friend I was. I had no response to that and restated my side of the story and opinion on the situation. As much as it was nice to hear from "Dr. B" it'll be a long time before we speak again if she is only going to serve as a mouthpiece for "The Doctor".

It's often said that people come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime. I can accept that. Problem comes when the other person can't accept it. Holding on to friendships that have run their course is not good and not healthy to those involved. Instead we should be thankful for the time, memories shared and lessons learned. Friendships are part of an even bigger plan and we need to allow THAT plan to manifest itself.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Invisible Man: The Downfall of a Loner (Part II)

Sometimes, in order to move forward, you have to look back. Although the tone of this post might seem negative, know that it is part of a process that will ultimately, lead me to a better place. Those that know me personally, don't worry. I am ok . . . or should I say, I will be.

Between the holidays and my spiritual father's current battle with prostate cancer, I've been doing a lot of reflecting the last few weeks. One of the things that struck me last night was a sermon that he gave before he retired. I don't think it was too biblically based, but it definitely left a footprint in my mind. What he said was that you can't control the year you were born or the year you die, but you can control what you do in the middle. Basically, he's saying that no matter how much time you're given, make the most of it.

Every time I think about that message I reflect back on my own life. Some people would look at me and say that I've lived a good life with plenty of experiences, a few accomplishments and some successes. Sadly, I don't share those opinions. Don't get me wrong, I've done a lot of stuff in my life, but even at this point in my life, I don't think I have left my footprint on this world. The way I feel, if I was to die today, most of the people in my life would forget about me before the new year. Not just because I wasn't around anymore, but because I haven't done anything significant enough to leave a legacy behind.

In part 1 of this series, I wrote about how at 33, I don't think I have anyone I can consider a best friend. With more thinking (damn you downtime at work) I look back and realize that my life parallels that of the protagonist in Ralph Ellison's "Invisible Man". He has these unbelievable (good and bad) experiences, but comes through it as nothing more than an afterthought. I've been doing the same thing.

A lot of my life has been a matter of me being in the right place at the right time. I've held positions, had jobs, coached teams, made honor rolls, won contests and so on and so forth, but those accomplishments just hid what was going on on the inside. From the outside looking in, you see a mature young man who was wise beyond his years and had his head on straight. What most people didn't know, was that on the inside was a kid who envied those around him. Whether it was the fact that their parents were together, or there was always someone home when they came home from school, or that they were dating the girl I was too shy to even speak to, I was jealous.

Instead of dwelling on those things, I focused on the things I could control to avoid feeling a certain way. Sure, my grades were good and I was respected for that, but I went home to an empty house every night and my phone never rung. I looked at what my friends were doing and the lives that they had and wanted just a piece of it for myself. I don't think I was ready for sex when I was in high school, but it would have been nice to go out on a date and spend time with someone. Couldn't play basketball, but just once, I would have loved to walk the halls of the school and be noticed by someone I didn't know. It wasn't until one day when I was having a conversation with "Twin 1" when he told me that he wished he was more like me when we were younger that I thought I might be doing something right; little he didn't know what I was going through at the time.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Adult Entertainment

One of the things I was looking forward to when I got married was hanging out with other couples. Like the Bible says, iron sharpens iron, so being around other couples could definitely be benificial for myself and the Mrs. One way we plan on doing that is by participating in the marriage ministry at our church. The other way is by surrounding ourselves with other couples in various stages in their relationship. It started at the wedding rehearsal. My groomsmen, best man and husbands of the bridesmaids have a combined 62 years of marriage under their belts. Through conversation and observation I plan to take as much information as I can and apply it to make my marriage as good as it can be. It continued last night with what I hope was the first of many "couples nights" we were invited to. It was hosted by one of the bridesmaids and her husband. They invited 6 other couples over for a post Thanksgiving feast. The couples ranged from a couple that is currently dating to a couple that's been married for 11 years and everything in between. There was food, drinks and good conversation. Topics ranged from our relationships (how you met your spouce, etc), to celebrity relationships (Khardashian, Lopez, etc), to travel, to sports to pop culture to current events. We laughed, we learned and a good time was definitely had by all. So much that we lost track of time. When everyone started leaving around 2am we all knew we needed to do this more often.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Invisible Man: Downfall of A Loner (Part 1)

The Mrs. and I are going through this book entitled "How To Love Me: The Lover's Book of Questions" by Ali Davis. Basically, its a book of open and honest questions in which both of you answer to get to know each other. It's intended for couples who are still in the dating/relationship phase, and to our credit, we did purchase the books before we got married, but neither one of us were able to finish answering the questions in out book before the wedding (or in the 6 weeks after obviously). I am all but finished with mine now, but there is one question that I am struggling to answer right now, and sadly, most people would think this is a simple question. The question is "Who is your best friend?".

To most people, this question would be easy to answer, but I'm not most people. I don't even consider myself to have a lot of "friends" per se, so to identify one as the "best" is a difficult proposition, especially since the person I thought held that title ditched me at the request of her husband when they got married. I've never really thought about it much. The first person I considered a "best friend" died when we were in elementary school.

After that and another traumatic experience, I didn't really get close to that many people, especially guys. The women that I got close to were by circumstance (tried to get with them and fell in the 'friend zone'). When I got to college, I was around a lot of groups (drumline, band, student government, RA's, etc) but nobody really stood out. After graduating, I worked, but work friends rarely turn into real friends so that was out, plus, "The Doctor" was always around.

Of course, I have close friends. I had 5 guys stand by my side when I got married. Then there's my wife, who is supposed to be my best friend, but not in the terms of this particular question. "Charlotte" would have been a contender, but there are some issues with that, and a few other people, but those stories are for another post.

I genuinely love my friends. I don't let too many people get close to me, but the ones I have are great. Each one plays an important role in my life. I have just never been caught up on titles, especially when it comes to friendships, so it never really was an issue to me that I didn't have a "best friend". Now that it has come to my attention, it's pretty depressing. Nothing against any of my friends, but they all have their own "best friend". This is going to stick with me for a while.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

TMI Tuesday: What's Cooking

In the United States Thanksgiving is this week, so a lot of folks will be cooking up a storm in preparation. Many other holidays will occur over the next month around the world and everyone seems to celebrate with food, hence, the TMI Tuesday theme…Cooking.

1. Haagen-Dazs or Ben & Jerry’s?

This one is tough, but end the end, for overall flavor variety, I'm going with Ben & Jerry's for ice cream, but for my money, if I'm not taking it home, I'd prefer a Bailey's Shake from Haagen-Dazs.

2. What is always in your refrigerator?

Water, Iced Tea and Eggs

3. What’s your worst kitchen disaster?

I've been pretty safe in the kitchen so far, but I did once burn a batch of cookies because I got a little . . . preoccupied, yeah, that's the word, while I was waiting.

4. Favorite kitchen gadget?

I'd have to say my chopper

5. What was your last meal? Did you like it?

The last meal I have was a chicken cutlet hero from the corner store, but the last meal I cooked was a homemade meatball pizza. I loved it.

6. What’s your favorite cookie?

My homemade chocolate chip peanut butter cookie.

Monday, November 21, 2011


Friday night, I was supposed to go to a banquet that was honoring one of the most important men in my life, a man who not only baptized me, but was my spiritual father. Because of my new work schedule, I couldn't go, but after hearing what I heard, I wish I had been there. I have only seen him 3 times since he relocated to Florida six years ago and each time, he was just as I remembered; sharp dressing, big car driving, articulate, proud and humble. From what I heard, on Friday he was none of that. He couldn't drive himself, he was weak, lost weight and although still articulate, his voice let you know something was wrong. Unknown to many in attendance until the night of, he has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Nobody knows how long he's been diagnosed and how severe it is, but its definitely taking its toll on him. It reminds me of the last time I saw my grandmother. I didn't really want to see her like that because that's not how I wanted to remember her. After hearing this, I don't think I can bare to see him in the condition he's in. It's not the man I know, and not the man I want to remember.

Friday, November 18, 2011

The Ties That Bind

"Wake up everybody, no more sleeping in bed. No more back thinking time for thinking ahead. The world has changed so very much, from what it used to be. There is so much hatred, war and poverty."
"Wake Up Everybody" - Harold Melvin & The Bluenotes

If you live in St. Albans, New York and don't know about P.S. 36, you must be living under a rock. The rest of you are excused. Despite all of the negative stories you hear about the New York City Board of (Mis)Education and New York City school children in general, this school is 'bout their business. In addition to providing an education, the school also provides programs to keep their students on the right path. They have a "P.E.A.R.L.S. of Wisdom" Program for the young ladies, as well as a program for the young men entitled "Ties That Bind".

The "Ties That Bind" program is a program that is designed to show young men how to dress for success and with respect for themselves. As the name implies, the students (1st - 5th graders) do learn how to tie ties (I didn't learn how to tie a tie until I was in the 7th grade) using 6 different knots. They also learn what it means to dress with respect for themselves (no sagging pants here) and have workshops that build and maintain self confidence and esteem; things that are certainly necessary for today's youth.

As I was telling one of the father's who was there at the program, it would have been nice to have programs like this when we were growing up. With city cutting money from the schools left and right, its good to see that there is one school in the system that is not using that as a crutch or an excuse for not doing everything they can for their students. I hope that this serves as an example and other school adopt similar programs in the not so distant future.

A Bit Old Fashioned - The Lost Art of Writing

On Monday, a friend of mine posted the following as her Facebook status:
"I love technology and all it does for us, but I haven't forgotten the value of handwritten letters. There are very few people that I still write letters to, but the impact is so rich. You never know how an unexpected letter can change someone's day! Call me old-fashioned, but I DON'T CARE! :)"

This made me smile. I have always been a fan of the written letter. When I spent my summers in North Carolina my mother and I would exchange letters. When I was in junior high school, we had an assignment in Spanish class to write a letter to student in Spain who was learning English. They would write to us in English and we'd have to respond to them in Spanish. When I went to college, before I got an e-mail address, my friends and I would write letters to each other. After my junior year, I was chillin' with a friend who was about to graduate and her and I became pen pals when she moved back to Detroit. Even as recently as last year, I had a pen pal in Texas, but even that stopped after a while.

Now, I want another pen pal (or two or three). Someone who is interesting, entertaining, opinionated and honest. The letters would be amazing. I'm an open book and have an opinion on damn near anything so writing someone who is similar to me would be good. Will it happen, I don't know. I hope so, but won't get too optimistic about it. If anyone is interested, let me know.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

How I Got This Way

After 80 years of life, 50 years in entertainment and 28 years as co-host of "Live", Regis Philban is moving on (not retiring) after this Friday's show. To coincide with his departure, he has written a memoir entitled "How I Got This Way". In the book, he chronicles meeting people who have changed him both personally and professionally. He mentions everyone from the obvious people like his wife, Joy and his co-hosts Joey Bishop, Kathie Lee Gifford and Kelly Ripa to lesser known people like former Notre Dame football coaches Frank Leahy and Ara Parseghian, and the more well known Lou Holtz.

I love the concept of the book (and can't wait to read it) and started thinking about my own life. Regis mentioned 30 people in his book. Not bad for 80 years of life. Off the top of my head, I could give more than 30 people a chapter in a book about my life (guess I needed more help along the way). Starting my parents (seperately), my family and my friends that have been around for almost 30 years. From there, I'd group the girls I dated and the girls I wanted when I was in high school into a chapter. My college years could get a book by itself, but during those 5 years, I met 7 people who would definitely get their own chapter. My post college years would include chapters about 5 people who probably taught me some of the most important lessons of my life)

Know that I think about it, it might be in my best interst to start putting these thoughts together. I'm not necessarily where I want to be right now, but one day I will be, and I know I won't get there by myself. I'm standing on the shoulders of a lot of people and would be a fool not the acknowlede them. How did you get the way you are? How many people helped you? Definitely something to think about and, if nothing else, an opportunity to go back and tell those people "thank you".

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

What Would You Do Wednesday: Friends Before Lovers

"We were friends, before we were lovers, and isn't that the way it should be?" - "Nice N' Slow" - Freddie Jackson

I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed when I can across this status:
"Someone comes to you after being a really good friend and inspiring you to proceed and they drop the bomb . . . 'you are beautiful inside and out, a great person, an amazing (parent) and I think I could really fall in love with you and have a long productive relationship with you.' What would you do?"

My response to that status was as follows:
"I think friendship is the best foundation for any relationship, but if you never thought about that person romantically in all these years those feelings probably aren't going to show up all of a sudden. Be honest with yourself first, then with the other person."

I'm sure we have all been in that position before. Personally, I've only been on the side of the friend expressing feelings. Although I think friendship is the best foundation for a relationship, I believe my opinion is in the minority. People either don't want to risk a friendship or would just feel better off getting involved with a stranger. Whatever the reason, not too many people know their significant other before they start a relationship. What's your take on this subject and what would you do if a close friend approached you with desires of being more than just friends?

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Road Trip: Greenville, North Carolina

I spent every summer from 1982 - 1991 with my maternal grandmother in Edenton, North Carolina. Since that last summer, I can count on one hand the number of times I've entered the state of North Carolina (not counting 2 layovers I had in Charlotte International Airport). I went in 1994 when my aunt passed away, 1998 for a family reunion, 2003 for a birthday party for my grandmother on my father's side and 2005 when she passed away. That being said, the fact that I spent last weekend in Greenville, North Carolina was a big deal, and I had a good reason. A good friend of mine was getting married.

I was looking forward to this trip, not just because of the wedding, but because it was the first trip the Mrs. & I went on without any children. We went to visit her best friend last summer, but that trip was moreso that their children could see each other. We left Friday evening. I hadn't been on a plane since June of 2008, so I was excited for that reason alone. After our two flights, and dinner at Chili's in Charlotte International Airport, we arrived at the Pitt-Greenville Airport around 11:30pm and to the City Hotel & Bistro around midnight. There was a lounge in the hotel so after we checked in, we went to the lounge for a drink before retiring for the evening. On our way to the lounge, we ran into the bride to be who, as it turned out, was staying in the suite right next to ours. We talked to her for a brief minutes before getting our drinks.

Saturday, started out with breakfast. Breakfast was included with the price of our room, but we noticed a Chic-Fil-A on the way to the hotel and decided to go there for breakfast since we don't have them in New York. After that, the Mrs. did one of the things she does best, shop. Target, David's Bridal and Barnes & Noble didn't stand a chance. I thought she was going to have to get another bad just to take back all the stuff she brought. After that it was time to get ready for the wedding.

The wedding took place at the Yankee Hall Plantation, which probably was a real plantation back in the day. Despite the name, the room was actually nice. Instead of the traditional seating, the ceremony took place in the middle of the room and the guest sat around so everyone had a good view. There were less than 100 invited guest, so it was a really intimate setting (making our invitation even more meaningful). The ceremony was short and sweet. The mother of the bride was also the soloist and (since the ceremony and reception were in the same room) they did their first dance during the ceremony (to "If This World Were Mine" by Luther Vandross. While the wedding party took their wedding pictures, the guest ate and hit the bar. The drink of the night was the appropriately named "Plantation Punch" (Southern Comfort, Pink Lemonade, rum and sugar). After the reception, everyone headed back to the hotel. Some went to the lounge, some went to get something to eat, others went to watch the fight.

Sunday morning came way too early for me. Our flight left Greenville at 6:39am and we made it back to New York by 11am. The weekend was enjoyable, but this trip was definitely too short. I don't know when the next getaway is going to be, but it won't be soon enough. All this trip did was make me realize how much I miss traveling and get me excited about going places I've never been before (even if it was just to "the sticks" as the Mrs. referred to it). I have that itch now, and I will definitely scratch it next year.

TMI Tuesday: Formspring Follies

1. What is your favorite type of weather?

I'm a spring baby, so give me sunny with temperatures between 65-80 with low humidity.

2. How do you sustain the motivation and energy needed to write erotica regularly?

I don't write erotica (although I did try once on a dare), so that's not a problem, but I do have a friend who does. She doesn't have a problem sustaining the motivation and energy to write because she enjoys sex and can see sex in almost every situation she encounters throughout her day.

3. Do you like roleplay? What is your favorite scenario?
Haven't done it yet, but I would love to. Meeting someone at a hotel bar and acting like I don't know them and try to pick them up for a jumpoff in a room upstairs has always been at the top of my role playing desire list.

4. Have you ever been hurt so badly in a past relationship, that it has affected you for the rest of your life?

I wouldn't use the word "hurt", but there is definitely a past relationship that has affected me since it ended.

5. What message would you want to put in a fortune cookie?

"Your most secrect desire will be granted"

6. How big is your dick?

What fun is it if I answer that?

Bonus: I would like to know, do you have Formspring on your blog? Why or why not?

Nope. Hardly anyone reads this so it would be a waste of time right now.

Bonus, bonus: What is the best or oddest formspring question you’ve been asked? What was your answer?


Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Peaceful Journey

Yesterday, the music world lost a legend. The world in which the rest of us live in just lost a great human being. Rapper, actor, songwriter, producer and fellow Gemini, Dwight Myers, better known as Heavy D., was a lot of things to a lot of people. Personally, I lost an inspiration. Growing up, I was always the tallest and biggest guy in my class. That was the main cause of my shyness and some of the teasing I received because of it lead to a decrease in self-esteem. Heavy D. was the first celebrity in my life who made me feel like being big wasn't the end of the world and confidence and personality were more important qualities because they last much longer than looks did.

In one of her songs, Lynn Collins declared "you've got to use what you've got to get what you want". Heavy D. definitely did that with his songs "Mr. Big Stuff" and "The Overweight Lover's In The House". When those songs were released in 1987, I was a 9 year old who was already lacking confidence and self-esteem. Those songs were not just anthems, they were inspiration. The confidence expressed on those tracks along with the increased popularity Heavy D. & The Boyz were receiving gave me hope that I can get past the stage of my life that I was in. Two years later, when his second album was released, I was preparing for junior high school and starting to show interest in girls. The singles "Somebody For Me" and "Gyrlz, They Love Me" made me realize that if you have it on the inside, people (i.e. girls) will accept you for who you are.

His third album, "Peaceful Journey" produced two more song that helped mold me into the person I am today. "Now That We Found Love" (arguably his biggest hit) gave me renewed optimism about love and "Don't Curse" made me realize that I can get my point across without using profanity (if only some of today's rappers could do that). Those who know me outside of the blog world know I hardly ever curse today. His fifth album (and my personal favorite), "Nuttin' But Love" came out while I was in high school and at a time when all of my friends were starting to lose their virginity. The song "Sex With You" created a sense in me that women were more than just sex objects and made me want to see beyond their physical attributes and see them for what's on the inside the same way I wanted them to see me.

In addition to his songs, Heavy D. also had a great personality that helped to take him a long way. Ladies loved him, parents loved him and grandparents loved him. Another similarity I have with him, as I think parents liked me more than their daughters did when I was in the dating game. Thanks to Heavy D. I relaxed, didn't try to be anyone I wasn't and allowed my personality to take over and lead me to wherever I was going to go.

Over the next few days there will be a lot of tributes made to Heavy D. Hopefully, those same people will also make a few tributes to Dwight Myers. Both were great individuals and personally impacted my life. I have never and will never have the chance to tell him in person, but I want to take the time now to say THANK YOU.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Probation Period

When you start a new job you, in most cases, you are automatically put on probation. During this period you are evaluated to see if you are worthy of keeping around. The only thing that you get from the company is a paycheck and anything else necessary for you to do the job you were hired for; a desk, a computer, a phone, stuff like that. Also during this 90 day, the company has the right to fire you without any reason. Now, if you happen to survive the 90 days, you start getting entitled to benifits; vacation time, health insurance, life insurance, dental, 401K options and things of the like. Nobody seems to have a problem with this in Corporate America, but in today's society, EVERYONE seems to have a problem with this in their relationships.

I was having a conversation with "Charlotte" the other day and out of nowhere she asked me how I felt about the 90 day rule. My answer was simple, I don't keep a running count of days when I start dating a woman and I don't base my relationships on sex either. Although I do believe in the concept behind the 90 day rule, I don't hold firm to 90 days. You could be ready in 90 days with some people. Other people might take longer, some might not take as many (although, personally, with the luck she's been having with men, she might want to start looking at a 180 day rule for herself). Ironically enough, the two times I actually attempted to apply the 90 day rule, it backfired against me.

When I met "Pine Valley" we hit it off really good. I wanted to kiss her the first night I met her, but didn't want to ruin a good night by taking a risk. A few weeks later, things were going pretty good and she invited me to her place for dinner. As the night progressed, things got interesting and the option of having sex was a realistic one; one that I passed on. My thinking (besides the fact that I was nervous as all hell that night) was that if things go well, we would have plenty of other opportunities to go there. I was wrong and about a month later things fell completely apart. I'm not blaming it entirely on the fact that we didn't have sex. It had more to do with the lack of communication between us about where we were in our lives and what we wanted. Although she was ready to go there with me after 30 days, I wasn't ready to go there with her. I wanted to get to know her better.

Then there's "Guyana", who told me up front that she didn't want a 90 day rule, instead she wanted to wait until she was married before having sex. She stated that she realized that sex was getting in the way of her having a successful relationship. Now the difference between "Guyana" and "Pine Valley" is the fact that I would have jumped on "Guyana" on day 1. Different woman, different circumstances. I thought I knew her well enough to go there. Sadly, while I was thinking about it, someone else was going there with her. What do I know.

The one flaw that I have always noticed in the 90 day rule is the fact that it doesn't tell you what you do with those 90 days. I never was one to base a relationship on sex (that's what bootycalls and FWB are for). If I'm looking for a relationship I want to try to establish a foundation so that the chances of it being a successful relationship are increased. Get to know the person I'm with to see if we are compatible. If we find out that it probably isn't going to work, we get out of it without the fact of us having sex getting in the way of it. If I just want sex, it'll be established up front so we know how to go about things. Then again, that might just be me. Who knows?

TMI Tuesday - November 8, 2011

This week’s TMI Tuesday was the idea of

1. Do you have a set of dishes that are used for special occassions (e.g. china)? Yes or no. If yes, how often do you use the special dishes?
a. any day because every day is special
b. once a week
c. only for holidays and celebration
d. never, it is displayed in a china cabinet or collecting dust in a box in the attic

We received a nice set of dishes as one of our wedding gifts, but haven't had a reason to use them yet.

2. Do have clothes that you never wear because you are saving them for a special occasion? What is that item of clothing? What would be the appropriate occasion?

I brought a white suit for my cousins 50th birthdat white party. I only wore it once, and it will take a hell of a situation for me to get in it again.

3. If you suddenly became very wealthy, which servants would you employ?
a. cleaning service
b. housekeeper
c. cook
d. valet/maid/lady-in-waiting
e. chauffeur
f. dog-walker
g. other

I'd go with G. A massage therapist and a personal trainer

4. If you were wealthy, how many homes would you own? Where? (locations–mountains, tropical places for the winter, foreign country/city)

At least 5. There's definitely going to be condo's in Baltimore and Manhattan to begin with since I spend more time there than anywhere else. There would also be spots in Miami, New Orleans, Las Vegas, Cancun, the Dominican Republic and Bermuda for starters.

5. If you were going to take on a really expensive hobby, which of these would it be?
a. buy an airplane
b. buy a yacht
c. buy a small winery
d. raise exotic animals

I'd probably go with C and buy a small winery.

6. What kind of car would you buy if you had an unlimited budget?
a. expensive sports car
b. luxury car
c. monster truck
d. expensive hybrid or electric car
e. cheap car (I’d be too nervous driving an expensive car).
f. something for the chauffeur to drive me around in

I'm not a big car person like most guys, so my desires wouldn't change just because I had some extra zeros in the bank account. I want a Nissan Murano as the every day car and a Lexus for special occasions

Bonus: Currently, what is your favorite luxury item or decadent thing that you do?

Sadly, I don't think I have any luxury items in my life, but if any of you want to contribute feel free to send donations.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Too Sexy to Date?

I was never arrogant enough to believe that I was ever too sexy to date, so this post is certainly NOT about me. At the same time, when I was in high school, and even for a little bit when I was in college, there were a few women in my life who I just thought were too attractive to approach (my problem. I know). Somehow, between my fear of rejection and my assumption that every attractive woman was already spoken for, I just didn't do it. As I would find out later on in life, there are two sides to every story.

When I was in high school, as it probably was in most high schools, the head cheerleader was all that and a bag of chips. In this case, she also had a brain to go with her beauty. We didn't have homecomings in NYC, so she couldn't be homecoming queen, but she was prom queen of her graduating class. Me, I was the shy geek who made sure that basketball team was academically eligible to play. I knew all the right people, and they knew me. I was a loner, but got a pass from everyone by association. As luck would have it, we even ended up attending the same college, although she transferred back home after I got there.

After my freshman year in college, I didn't see her again until 12 years later when we attended the wedding of a mutual friend. A wedding that took place 3 weeks after my engagement to "Guyana" ended (timing is everything). We exchanged pleasantries and caught up on mutual friends, etc. I expected her to say that she was married with a kid or two, instead, she said that she hadn't been in a serious relationship in years. (Shows what I get for assuming)

As the conversation went on, she hit me with something that I never thought I would ever hear. She stated that most of the guys who she has been interested in over the years were either involved with someone at the time, or, like myself, made the assumption that she was with someone. As honest as she could be without sounding arrogant, she stated that the only guys who approached her were thugs (corporate or otherwise) and most guys that she knows are intimidated by a beautiful woman with a college (and in her case a graduate) education. The better she did in school and in her career, the more difficult she found it to find a man.

This is one of the many double-standards about women that I don't understand or like. A man with a high degree and decent jobs is like a magnet while a woman with a high degree and decent jobs is like a repellent. What can be done about this so that both sides have equal success in relationships. Everybody needs love. I'm just saying.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

TMI Tuesday - November 1, 2011

1. What sexual act arouses you the most? For that matter, what nonsexual act arouses you the most?

There are some sexual acts that I certain enjoy more than others, but I would hope that I'm already aroused before any of those acts go down. As far as non-sexual acts that arouse me, watching a woman dance, or play a music instrument definitely gets me going.

2. What is your signature or “go to” move that is sure to get a lover in the mood for sex?

I like to stimulate the brain. Foreplay starts long before we see each other so I try to be creative.

3. Do you queef?

After looking up the definition, I can safely say that I don't.

4. What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to YOU as a result of your sex writings (e.g., blog, erotica, sex toy reviews)? (borrowed from Insatiabear)

Nothing weird (or exciting for that matter) has happened to me as a result of my sex writings. I generally don't post those, with the exception of an occasional post to the Pussy Chats (yes, I'm a contributor). Stories of my personal sex life are only shared with those who are, have been, or want to be a part of it.

5. Have you ever had sex while someone watched?

Not yet

…someone else was in the room?


…someone else in the bed, next to you and the person you’re having sex with?
What were the circumstances?


6. When it comes to sex, and discussing it with your teen have you or would you:
a. Let school sex education handle it
b. Hand the teen a book or point them to a website
c. Talk frankly and openly
d. Avoid it all together–society, friends, and the internet will give all the info needed

I'm going to go with C. Sadly, my parents went with D, and this was BEFORE the internet was as accessible as it is now. I learned from my friends, The Playboy Channel, Spice Channel and my cousins pornos.

Bonus: Remember the song, “I’m too sexy?” CLICK to refresh your memory
What are you too sexy for?

I'm not too sexy for anything