Thursday, September 11, 2014

Innocence Lost

I have the pleasure of living across the street from an elementary school. Each day I see laughing children excited about seeing their friends and learning whatever it is they will be taught. Today, as i walked to work, I made it a point to look at both their faces and the faces of their parents. Each one told a different story and the contrast between the two was more drastic today than any other day in this short school year; probably because of the date on the calendar. The parents are more serious than usual. Hugging their children a little longer today, much like they wish they could have held someone longer in 2001. Letting the day play back in their head like a bad movie. Just praying they can see them at the end of the day, something that a few thousand people were hoping to do wgen they dropped their kids off. The children on the other hand, are smiling and playing like kids do. None of them with memories of that unfortunate day 13 years ago. Only knowing what their parents and teachers tell them. None of them have the life altering experience in their memory. To them its just a part of history, much like the Civil War or American Revolution. I envy these kids and often pray that they dont have their life altered like we did. Some of the things they know as normal serves as bittersweet reminders for the rest of us. The memory that the 12 year old that lives in my house will have about this day is that it was the first day his mother felt him kick (he was born in February of 2002). His mother shares that memory with him and it helps her vlock out some of the other memories she has of this day. Meon the other hand, my memories will forever be of watching thw shadows of those planes fly over the building I was working in, watching the black clouds of smoke engulf all of lower Manhattan, walking to 57th street to get on the train and the hug my mother gave me when I finally got home. All memories I wish I could erase from my memory or better yet, never have in the first place.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014


Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. We all have those little things we encounter during the course of our day that bring us down. Some of us don't let them get to us while others allow them to ruin our day. I have been guilty of doing the latter more times than I am willing to admit. Some are justified (in my opinion) and others even I will say I let get to me a little more than necessary. Right now, my biggest joy snatchers are two of my co-workers and my job situation as a whole. I have been with my current job for a little less than three years. Most of that time I have worked in a satellite office. I have done my job to the best of my ability, but my return on investment has been minimal. I want to grow in this company but opportunities have not come yet. My frustration with office politics and lack of communication is eating my morale and my enthusiasm for my job is gone to the point where I am just thankful to get a paycheck every two weeks. Add to the fact that I recently had to share my spot with two other co-workers whose mere presence now turns my stomach let's me know that it is time for me to move on. Hard to find peace when I can't even find happiness.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Start, Stop, Continue - Part 3

What do I do that I think I do well and want to continue doing? Over the last year I have started taking better care of myself. Definitely want to continue doing that. Also want to continue writing, being supportive of those I care about,and travel. Hopefully the next time I do this this list will be longer.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Start, Stop, Continue - Part 2

This part of the challenge focuses on the things I want to stop doing. The top of that list is PROCRASTINATING. case in point, I wanted to post this yesterday. I spend so much time coming up with reasons to do things later and convincing myself that I can get things done in less time that I end up doing a piss poor job or not getting the job done in time. Not to mention the fact that I dont do anything productive with the time that I waste. I know I can improve in this area I just have to start doing it. Other things I want to stop doing include being afraid to say "no" and putting others ahead of myself.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Start, Stop, Continue - Part 1

September marks the start of the school year for a lot of the country. Students will be asked two questions. First,how was your summer. The second question is generally "what are your goals for this year?". Goal setting is something that everyone should do at every point in our lives. Whether we are reevaluating our goals, completing ourgoals or creating new goals, our goals should motivate, inspire and challenge us to do more. Recently, I was challenged to take a deep look within and answer some tough questions. Over the course of the next few weeks I will put those reflections here and challenge those of you who read this to do the same in a blog or in ajournal then look back on it from time to time.

Today I am challenged to identify things I want to start doing, stop doing and continue doing. To truly focus on this challenge I will post about them individually. There are so many things that I want to start doing. At the top of the list would be to start living my life for me and chasing my dreams. More often than not I have based my life's decisions on how my actions would impact others. Making decisions that would make others happy that didnt necessarily make me happy. In order for me to be happy or find peace I need to be able to do things and make decisions that make me happy. I havent always done that, but there is no better time than now to change that.

In addition to living my life for me I also want to begin to chase my dreams. Ultimately I want to give back and help people improve their situations. I want to do something in the non-profit sector. Whether its giving someone ascholarship to go to college or help someone get a GED. Whether it be teaching someone a skill that leads to them getting a job or tutoring someone to help raise their grades. So many people have sone so much to help me over the years that it would be wrong for me not to pay it forward, but all I have been doing has been talking about it. Timeto make some moves. Stay tuned.

New Season

September marks the beginning of a lot of returns. People going back to work after a long weekend. Kids going back to school after summer vacation. Television shows returning from summer hiatus. Add to that, me returning to my blog. After an interesting summer, which included a debate about returning at all, I decided to use this forum as anopportunity for my own personal growth. I started a journal earlier this year which has been very helpful so this vlog will be an extension of that. This can go so right or so wrong. Either way, it has been a while since I have been excited about blogging so I am looking forward to this new season. If there is anyone still out there, hope youenjoy the ride.